after all that we've been through~

Went to my first party of the year tonight. Didn't stay very long. It's whatevs.

I mixed PBR in my Cheerwine. Nicole didn't like it, and nobody else was willing to try it, but it wasn't that bad. It certainly tasted better than straight up PBR. That shit is terrible!

I got a new sketchbook today. It's another little Cachet one, only navy blue this time. I did a couple little sketch things in it with commentary, and Nicole did a bunch of random drawings in it cuz she was a little bored at the party.

Yeah, I had about 1/2 - 2/3 of a beer, diluted with Cheerwine. Just enough so I didn't feel uptight, so I could try and dance to the music and have actual conversations, but not enough that I felt in anyway out of control or even tipsy and stumble-y.

Unrelated: I now have "Stillness Is The Move" stuck in my head.

sshhhhh

Sometimes, my asexuality feels like a secret shared by me and one of my exs. I feel like both of us kind of used the relationship to figure out how comfortable we were with couple-y things, and if it never went past a few kisses, that was fine. So when someone around us mentions something about 'hey, you'd tap that right?' or some such, we kinda glance at each other and go 'ehhh, suuure.'

And immediately following that nice and comfortable relationship, I was with a guy who was steadily going further, and I always felt detached from what he was doing to me. Sure, it felt kinda nice, but it never got me 'hot n bothered.' And when I was single again and could look back on it and think about how I felt all during it, I just figured it all out.

I have no idea where this is going. But sometimes I guess I just need to write these things out somewhere.