fuck fuck fuck

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
my
life

i'm going to die.

suddenly last night i realized i have way too much work to do and a little over 2 weeks left to do it. i have no idea how i'm going to get it done. i really don't. i feel like i shouldn't have gone home for the weekend because of how much work i have to do.

• 3 papers
• giant wood book, with pop-out scenes
• 3 large drawings, 2 of which are hyper-detailed pencil ones

really. how?

[more details forthcoming]

on another note, dexter is an awesome show.

bits of "blade runner" script

i need to put these bits somewhere so i have fewer windows, and so i don't have to go looking for these bits that i need. i'm writing a paper on j. f. sebastian from "blade runner" and i need everything that involves him in one place.

SCRIPT [regular version]
Roy: Morphology, longevity, incept dates.
Chew: Don't know -- I, I don't know such stuff. I just do eyes. Just eyes -- Just genetic design -- just eyes. You Nexus, huh? I design your eyes.
Roy: Chew, if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes. Questions.
Chew: I don't know answers.
Roy: Who does?
Chew: Tyrell. He -- He knows everything.
Roy: Tyrell corporation?
Chew: He's big boss. Big genius. He, he design your mind, your brain.
Roy: Ah, smart.
Chew: Cold.
Roy: Not an easy man to see--
Chew: Me cold.
Roy: I guess...
Chew: Se-, Sebastian he take-- take you there, he take you there.
Roy: Sebastian who?
Chew: J. -- J. F. Sebastian-- Sebas... Sebas...
Roy: Now--where... would we find this.... J. F. Sebastian?

-----

[Outside J. F. Sebastians's apartment building. Pris covers herself in trash pile.]
Pris: Pugh... Uhhh... Ungh... Ungh...
Sebastian: Hey! You forgot your bag.
Pris: I'm lost.
Sebastian: Don't worry, I won't hurt you. -- What's your name?
Pris: Pris.
Sebastian: Mine's J. F. Sebastian.
Pris: Hi.
Sebastian: Hi. Oh, where were you going? Home?
Pris: I don't have one. We scared each other pretty good, didn't we?
Sebastian: We sure did.
Pris: I'm hungry J. F.
Sebastian: I've got some stuff inside. You want to come in?
Pris: I was hoping you'd say that.
[Pris and Sebastian enter building.]
Pris: Do you live in this building all by yourself?
Sebastian: Yeah, I live here pretty much alone right now. No housing shortage around here. Plenty of room for everybody.
Pris: (cough).
Sebastian: Watch out for the water.
Pris: Must get lonely here J. F.
Sebastian: Mmm... Not really. I make friends. They're toys. My friends are toys. I make them. It's a hobby. I'm a genetic designer. Do you know what that is?
Pris: No.
Sebastian: Now. Yoo-hoo, home again.
Toys: Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Good evening J. F.
Sebastian: Good evening, fellas.
Toy 1: Oooh!
Sebastian: They're my friends. I made them. Where are you're folks?
Pris: I'm sort of an orphan.
Sebastian: Oh, what about your friends?
Pris: I have some, but I have to find them. I'll let 'em know where I am tomorrow.
Sebastian: Oh. Can I take those things for you? They're soaked aren't they?

-----

[Sebastian's apartment]
Sebastian: Whatcha doing?
Pris: Sorry, just peeking.
Sebastian: Oh.
Pris: How do I look?
Sebastian: You look better.
Pris: Just better?
Sebastian: Well, you look beautiful.
Pris: Thanks. -- How old are you?
Sebastian: Twenty-five.
Pris: What's your problem?
Sebastian: Methuselah's syndrome.
Pris: What's that?
Sebastian: My glands. They grow old too fast.
Pris: Is that why you're still on earth?
Sebastian: Yeah, I couldn't pass the medical. Anyway, I kind of like it here.
Pris: I like you just the way you are. Hi Roy.
Roy: Ah, gosh. You've really got some nice toys here.
Pris: This is the friend I was telling you about. This is my savior J. F. Sebastian.
Roy: Sebastian. I like a man that stays put. You live here all by yourself, do ya?
Sebastian: Yes. -- How 'bout some breakfast. I was just gonna make some. Excuse me.
Pris: Well?
Roy: Leon...
Pris: What's going on.
Roy: Ah... There's only two of us now.
Pris: Then we're stupid and we'll die.
Roy: No we won't.
[Sebastian and Roy at chess board]
Sebastian: No, knight takes queen, see. Won't do.
Roy: Why are you staring at us Sebastian?
Sebastian: Because. You're so different. You're so perfect.
Roy: Yes.
Sebastian: What generation are you?
Roy: Nexus six.
Sebastian: Ah, I knew it. 'Cause I do genetic design work for the Tyrell Corporation. There's some of me in you. Show me something.
Roy: Like what?
Sebastian: Like anything.
Roy: We're not computers Sebastian, we're physical.
Pris: I think, Sebastian, therefore I am.
Roy: Very good Pris, now show him why.
[Pris throws hot egg at Sebastian]
Roy: We've got a lot in common.
Sebastian: What do you mean?
Roy: Similar problems.
Pris: Accelerated decrepitude.
Sebastian: I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy, I wish I did.
Roy: If we don't find help soon, Pris hasn't got long to live. We can't allow that. -- Is he good?
Sebastian: Who?
Roy: Your opponent.
Sebastian: Oh, Dr. Tyrell? I've only beaten him once in chess. He's a genius. He designed you.
Roy: Maybe he could help.
Sebastian: I'd be happy to mention it to him.
Roy: Better if I talk to him in person.
Sebastian: Umh.
Roy: But I understand he's a sort of hard man to get to.
Sebastian: Yes, very.
Roy: Will you help us?
Sebastian: I can't.
Pris: We need you Sebastian. You're our best and only friend.
Roy: (strange accent) We're so happy you found us.
Pris: I don't think there's another human being in the whole world who would have helped us.
[Tyrell's apartment]
Tyrell: 66 thousand Prosser and Ankovich. Hmm.. Trade. Trade at--
Computer: New entry. A Mr. J. F. Sebastian. 1-6-4-1-7.
Tyrell: At this hour? What can I do for you Sebastian.
Sebastian: Queen to Bishop 6. Check.
Tyrell: Nonsense. Just a moment. Mmm. Queen to Bishop 6. Ridiculous. Queen to Bishop 6. Hmm... Knight takes Queen. -- What's on your mind Sebastian? What are you thinking about.
Roy: (whispered) Bishop to King 7. Checkmate.
Sebastian: Bishop to King 7. Checkmate, I think.
Tyrell: Got a brainstorm, huh, Sebastian? Milk and cookies kept you awake, huh? Lets discuss this. You better come up, Sebastian.
Sebastian: Mr. Tyrell. I-- I brought a friend.
Tyrell: I'm surprised you didn't come here sooner.
Roy: It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.
Tyrell: And what can he do for you?
Roy: Can the maker repair what he makes.
Tyrell: Would you like to be modified?
Roy: Stay here. -- I had in mind something a little more radical.
Tyrell: What-- What seems to be the problem?
Roy: Death.
Tyrell: Death. Well, I'm afraid that's a little out of my jurisdiction, you--
Roy: I want more life, father.
Tyrell: The facts of life. To make an alteration in the evolvment of an organic life system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it's been established.
Roy: Why not?
Tyrell: Because by the second day of incubation, any cells that have undergone reversion mutations give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship. Then the ship sinks.
Roy: What about EMS recombination.
Tyrell: We've already tried it. Ethyl methane sulfonate as an alkylating agent a potent mutagen It created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before he left the table.
Roy: Then a repressive protein that blocks the operating cells.
Tyrell: Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries the mutation and you've got a virus again. But, uh, this-- all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Roy: But not to last.
Tyrell: The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long. And you have burned so very very brightly, Roy. Look at you. You're the prodigal son. You're quite a prize!
Roy: I've done questionable things.
Tyrell: Also extraordinary things. Revel in your time.
Roy: Nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn't let you in heaven for.
[Tyrell screams as his eyes are gouged out.]
Roy: Sorry, Sebastian. Come. Come.
[Roy chases Sebastian out.]
[On the street...]
[voices...]
Bryant: Body identified with Tyrell a twenty-five year old male caucasian named Sebastian. J. F. Sebastian. Address Bradbury apartments, ninth sector. NM46751. I want you to go down there---
Cop: This sector's closed to ground traffic. What are you doing here?
Deckard: I'm working. What are you doing?
Cop: Arresting you. That's what I'm doing.
Deckard: I'm Deckard. Blade Runner. Two sixty three-fifty four. I'm filed and monitored
Cop: Hold on. Checking. -- Okay, checked and cleared. Have a better one.
[Deckard calls Sebastian's apartment.]
Pris: Hello?
Deckard: Hi, is J. F. there?
Pris: Who is it?
Deckard: This is Eddie. An old friend of J. F.'s.
[Pris hangs up.]
Deckard: Ooh. That's no way to treat a friend.

muuuuuusic

so, i've been back for all of 2 hours, and i've got so much new music to listen to.

i hopped over to 3hive for some of their new stuff, and got distracted by their blurb on millimeters mercury, which led me to their site and the various spin-off bands and friend-bands. i need to listen to it alllllllllllllll.

new additions:
- Cola Wars
- O + S
- Wavves
- Coltrane Motion
- Bitter Tea for Breakfast
- the 68s

i think that's all i'll do for now... since there's 2 albums worth of music for bitter tea. awesome.

shit, i really need to write that paper......................................

week of hellll

soooo portfolios are due monday. i'm pretty much done, i just need to fix my mp3, which is proving rather problematic. stupid thing wants to save to the computer when you click on the blackboard link....

anyway, everyone else's stress is making me a bit stressed, plus i've got a paper due friday in fi that i haven't even written. correction: i've written the opening paragraph. it's a then-now paper, written about an issue that is important today and comparing it to how important it was in the past and getting to the 'why' of the issue. i'm doing drug use and how the american government deals with it. a pretty interesting subject, but one i'm having trouble writing... probably because i have to do a lot of research.

but really, this is the worst week for a paper to be due - at least for afo students. there is virtually no time for any of us to spend on non-art things, since we've all decided that that takes precident over academics. i mean, this is our future here at college! i'd say it's pretty important.

but what makes it hard for me is 2 things: meds, and a trip home. i am completely out of meds, having used my last one last tuesday with the intent of writing this paper but instead nearly finishing my portfolio. and now i can't get more here, cuz the test i took says i don't have ADD, but the notes from dr zeiger say i do. inconclusive, and so they can't do anything for me. fucking a...

on top of that i have to go home tonight for an eye appointment in the morning. i'll be spending around 9 hours total on a bus and with no internet, making it hard to write that paper. and when i get back tomorrow i have to go almost immediately to drawing, and then the paper is due. i'm gonna have to knock it out when i'm home tonight, and finish it thursday night. this is not gonna be fun...

in other news, i went swimming yesterday! anna found the hours of the franklin street gym pool, and she and i and jenny went there for about 20 minutes yesterday before drawing. it was pretty cool, i guess. it was just for laps, and the swim club was practicing, and it was dark and grungy and stuff. but it was still nice to be able to do that. i ended up rushing through a shower when we got back to the dorm - i just washed my hair - and as a result managed to get shampoo in my eye in addition to the chlorine already there. not fun. it was the same eye that had the infection, too. and it still stings a bit.

oh, i didn't talk about my infection. after the flogging molly concert, we had to rush home cuz i had an eye appointment. i figured it was just the usual "how bad are your eyes" thing, but the doc got distracted by a more pressing issue: my red and unhappy left eye. turns out i had an inflamed cornea from wearing my contacts longer than they were really good for on tired eyes. i've been banned from contacts until i can go back - which was supposed to be last friday, but had to be rescheduled for tomorrow - and i got steroid eye drops to knock the thing out as fast as possible. my eye is all better now, but i'm still waiting till i go back to really start wearing my contacts again. i cheated and wore my last pair saturday for the belle isle trip, but it was only for, like, 8 hours.

alsooooo, yasha came down to visit last weekend! exciting! it was a bit strange, having 3 people in our room, but not too bad. he met ben, and we got bubble tea, and did fun things. we spent saturday at belle isle - it was practically a floor outing: me, cesley, anna, jenny, nicole, susan, emily, kelsey, laura, taylor, liz, ben, molly, and yasha. soooo exciting! yasha and molly really bonded, it was quite adorable. jenny found a toad that had been frozen, so we buried him and mourned. nicole delivered a very touching eulogy for poor toadie. and then on sunday yasha snuck out of the parking garage and didn't pay. exciting!

sunday night there was a fire on the 7th floor. some guy's phone charger started smoking and stuff. according to bed it smelled like burnt plastic for a while. and of course, this happened at 3am. i was sleeping. at first i didn't know what was going on, and i never really woke up. as soon as my heart stopped racing from climbing those dumb stairs, i was dead asleep.

i'm making a giant book for space. it'll be an open book, 4' x 2.5', with the story of 'the snow queen' coming out of it. i'm making a giant castle for in the middle out of slotted wood and hot glue and glitter, with various scenes arrayed around it. it'll be awesome! i get to buy a mirror and smash it!

okay, i think that's all the news and updates. i'm sleeping in bowe street next sunday night so i can turn my portfolio in nice and early. it'll be awesome!!

walking to belle isle
[courtesy of laura]

first day of classes

originally written on jan 13, the second day of classes

So, yesterday was our first day back in classes. I was so worried because I lost my mind when I was making my schedule and gave myself 6 straight hours of classes on Mondays and Wednesdays.

FI 11-11:50
Painting Project 12-2
Space 2:15-5:15

At least painting is only for 5 weeks, not the whole semester. Well, that was my thinking at least.

It just sucks because I finally got my meds, so my appetite is gonna be totally screwed up. And, with no time anywhere to really sit and eat, I'm gonna have a hard time eating lunch - especially since I won't really want to.

Yesterday I made myself a sandwich and brought it with me to eat when I got the chance, and I ended up eating it between painting and space. Of course, since my art classes let out early (first day and all that), I ate the sandwich in my room. But for Wednesday I think I'll eat it while walking from FAB to Bowe and in the classroom before we start.

But anyway... About the classes!

Art History. Gee, we went over the syllabus! And, since there were a whole bunch of students who hadn't taken 103 for whatever reason (or maybe she would've done it anyway?) we did an extremely brief recap of the last section starting with the Greeks. It was basically, "The Greeks loved the human form, the Romans not so nude, they invented concrete and the dome but forgot the methods, Gothic! Italy! Okay, see you Wednesday!"

Unfortunately, I spent the entirety of FI sitting there and looking at my watch. I really didn't want to be late for painting, and it turns out I wasn't so it was okay.

I'm totally excited for painting! It's been a long time since I've done it, and I never really had a chance to use my oils last semester. And now I don't have to buy a ton of stuff for that class, since I already have pretty much everything - except a canvas... and my palette kinda fails, so I may see if I can find a new one. Seriously, a scrap of canvas isn't very sturdy or anything... Why do I even use that as a palette?

I was actually really excited when I found out my space teacher was Eli. Cesley and Laura had been talking about him and how awesome he was, so yeah, I was excited. We ended up doing a bit of work on that first day: we made little test things of this paper mache composite stuff that we'll be using for our first assignment. Oh, and George is in my class. Again. I get to spend that 6 straight hour period with him. It's just weird. Oh, and Corey is in space too.

So, that was my first day of classes. I can't say much for my second day since I haven't done much yet and my first and only class today is at 6 tonight.

I need to go hit up Lowes...

my paints

sooo

today...

i was chewing gum...

i got kinda started on the giant self-portrait. i'm not gonna do the whole tearing it up thing cuz, during class discussion, it was brought up that would make it look surgical, i guess. and i wanted it to be smooth and perfect. so i'll be embroidering a background instead. oh god, sooooo much work! the final will be 22.75 x 66.5 inches, meaning the figure on it will be a little under lifesize. so far i've taken all my reference pics and started gridding the final paper. oh so much work ahead of me...

i've actually started my unit 3 paper. all of a paragraph and a sentence, but a start. yay...

yay! my ADD test is tomorrow! finally!! so happy that it's finally gotten to that point. i'll have time right after FI to get back to the dorm and put some stuff down and get my checkbook and go catch the bus. i can't wait to get this over with...

oh, and progress pics are over on the art blog....

as a random side note, jolt gum really does get me energized and a bit focused. which is great! meds in gum form!

i'm bad at this...

monday!

tuesday...

ho-hum

wednesday, in "winter" clothes

wednesday, normal

man, i keep forgetting to upload the pics here! i started a facebook album and you can flip through all the "official" pics to see how it's been going for the last 16 days. i'm still impressed with myself for only forgetting to take a picture on one day. i may not remember to upload the pics, but i at least take them.

i've decided/realized that it'll be easier to write the eleciton paper than it will be to write the unit 3 paper. it has to do with the amount of research and where it's coming from. simply, it's easier to find information on the environmental issues in this election than on cliques in other countries. unfortunately...

oh, i've gotten my last projects for both of my studio classes: a stop-animation in time and a larger than life size self portrait [conceptual or realistic] for surface. and i know what i'm doing for both as well. i'm taking parts of bodies that can look like faces: , , and making conversations and stuff for the stop animation. and for the self portrait i'm taking it upon myself to do a life size detailed pencil drawing in me in my underwear [and i'll actually look at myself, rather than just assuming like always], then tearing the drawings into medium pieces, sewing those back together and embroidering some sort of background. it's going to be intense. i'm going to try to get as much of the drawing done as possible before break so i can go get thread and embroidery floss when i'm home. oh god, so intense!

oops...

oops, i forgot about a pic yesterday. i took one, but didn't post it. oh well... here it is.

anyway, today!

my hair is sticking out weirdly today...

anyway...

so, my intake appointment was this morning, but i found out last night that i really wouldn't have enough time to get there on time, so i had to cancel and reschedule. it's now this evening at 6, and i'll be leaving surface a bit early to take the bus there. well, i think so... i'm still a bit on the fence about that, even though i'm fairly confident it'll be faster than my bike and i'll get there on time. from bowe street it's a 12 minute drive or an hour and 38 minute walk. there's a bus that goes past bowe street that gets to three chopt at 5:40, so that would be the bus to take. my bike would hopefully be about the same about of time, but really that's iffy. at least the bus has to stick to it's schedule...

grr, i should be writing my FI paper, but since i currently have to actual information [except a bit of general stuff about german cliques from bayly] i can't really do much. i'm even stuck on the stupid intro...

wow, i just remembered there's another movie night tonight. but i don't think i should go, since i have to write that paper...

yes, i'm currently procrastinating. and i think i will take the bus.

on friday, after yasha gets here, we're gonna duct tape me to the wall outside bowe street just because. i'm really not sure why, but does it really matter? no. not at all. but it'll be awesome, so whatever.

4 days, bee-tee-dubs...