sometimes, this relationship is so nice and awesome. most of the time it is. but sometimes he freaks me out emotionally.... because i can tell he's way more into this than i seem to be. i am not pretty much convinced that he loves me, like for real-for real. and me... i can't really be sure. he's really awesome and i really like him, but i have trouble with real attachments. and i'm always afraid things will progress so far that sex becomes an option and i am really not ready for that at all. i'm terrified.
this is the most intense relationship i've been in. well, really it's the first real relationship i've been in. jay barely counts [sad to say], emily was really just comforting and safe. it fascinates me and terrifies me, the depth of his feelings for me, and i feel like i can't really return them. i want to try, i enjoy it all, but i honestly don't feel for him in the same way.
that sounds like i should break up with him.... and i don't want to. mainly because i know it'll really hurt him and we've really only been together for a couple weeks.
god, why do relationships have to be so hard?!
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