antisocial girl strikes again!

Is it rude to invite myself places because I'm feeling terribly left out?

Because, through the wonders of FB, I find 2 of my best friends from middle/high school having 'Star Wars' funteimz. So, this is my passive-aggressive attempt to get invited.

It's just, it can't be entirely my fault no one tells me things or invites me places. I know I'm not exactly forthcoming about my own plans, mainly because my life consists of work and sitting at home online. If I showed more interest in going out and doing things, maybe I'd get invited more places. But these friends should know I'm stupidly quiet and just... I'm sad.

Then again, with another whirlwind tour of Richmond tomorrow, I'm not sure going out and having fun is a good idea. I get to spend a grand total of 8-9 hours on a Greyhound bus tomorrow, all to finally sign my lease. It's not gonna be fun, but I'm getting Buz & Ned's when I get in for lunch, and the campus library will be open so I can just hang out there while waiting. Which is still really lame.

And now I'm thinking: I was a lot more outgoing in middle school. As awesome as Carver was, something about it seems to have made me cripplingly quiet. Yeah, definitely channeling Canada here... Yasha is the only non-family person to remember on a mostly regular basis. Maybe in another year or so I'll be used to being forgotten and it won't bother me as much.

I need to stop the angst-fest.

Postive things: I was productive yesterday! I made my dentist and eye appointments, dyed my hair and made dinner.

Unrelated: I'm contemplating getting one of those pill organizers, what with all my self-medicating. The list right now: vitamin, Zyflamend, St Johns wort, Stress B & C + iron, iron, melatonin. And I need to add greens to that. This is what comes from working in the wellness department...

will you indeed...

so good to be back!

finally back and moved in! gosh, it's so awesome.

mom went with me to come back. i drove the whole way, which doesn't really bother me, since i know she'll have to drive the whole way back herself. but then she insisted we set up the crock pot to make a pot roast stew thing, then go to kroger, then to lowes. and so now i have some random food things, but not, like, bagels. and i just used the last of my shortening to make brownies which are practically glued to the pan. i had a hard time getting one 'piece' out with a fork. it's pretty much just crumbles.

i've been feeling rather domestic today. i cleaned up my mess from last night and made brownies to sorta apologize for nicole eating most of the roast from last night. i changed my sheets and put my nice flannel ones on. i finished that fleece hoodie mom started forever ago - and now i jsut have this urge to sew things. so i looked through the jean book, intending to start something, but i need so many notions for everything...

so i decided to make something with those extra tshirts anna found last year, only i sniffed them and they smell like man. so i have to wash them before i can do anything with them. and i almost typed 'warsh' there...

so now i'm waiting for the dryer to finish so i can start sewing again. i just really want to sew! i'm planning on making a shirt with the border of a bandana on it for a neckline. and i hope it looks cool... i might just make it a vest or something cuz i have 5 mediums and 1 small.

i have a closet again! it's awesome. mom let me have the hanging rack that was in her sewing area since my actual closet is pretty much unusable. it fits perfectly in the indent where rachel's poster is. only now you can't really see the poster... i hung up all my senior invites next to shelley's painting above my sewing table. looking through them makes me happy, especially because i have a mini copy of ben guthorn's bawlmer hon.

i suddenly feel like talking about my most favoriteest fill ever. it's ongoing, and is updated about twice a day, which is really nice. the prompt was this:

Matthew and Alfred say their farewells, promising to meet the next day for lunch, and they depart in their own directions, each heading for home. Matthew walks happily, not really taking in his surroundings, and turns down an alley he always uses as a shortcut home.

And then, he feels the knife in his body. He looks up, and into a face he does not know, the details burning into his mind before the killer slashes again, this time more fatally. Matthew falls to darkness.

And wakes, the sent of plywood and diesel around him. It's pitch dark, and he is flat on his back. He reaches up to realize he is trapped on all sides by wood, and he panics. He screams, knowing no one can hear him, and pounds on the wood, sobbing, vainly trying to reign in his terror.

And then, he can hear them. The voices of the others. The other victims of this killer, all buried like he is now, buried in the Canadian wilderness.

What I would like is a fleshing out of this, please. How is he found? What would be the consequences if he is never found, and he is trapped in an airless box, doomed to forever die of asphyxiation, and come back again, only to die over and over again?

it apparently came to OP in a dream, which is pretty terrifying. and at first i didn't want to read it, but for some reason i decided to give it a try. and boy am i glad i did. because it's amazing. and kinda terrifying at times, and very dark. but i love it. there's 41 parts right now. and it's nowhere near done. currently, Alfred and Matt are going around Canada and digging up the other victims and placing Canadian flags at their heads, then calling the police to find them. Matt was in that box for about 3 and a half months, so he's a little 'off' now.

read it here~

not that anyone will... i'm not even sure why i take the time to rant about these things here...

in other news, ces is planning to hit the gym tomorrow [for a real work out, not just to check it out] and i'm tempted to go with. because this new place sounds amazing.

also, i now have about a zillion pills to take. i'm trying the natural approach to dealing with my ADD, which means fish oil, omega-3, and DHA! fred recommended this one pill that's highly concentrated omega-3 and DHA, and when i opened the bottle they're gel-filled capsules. like, i can see the gel and it moves a bit. weird. they also smell vaguely of fish, and gave me slight fish breath for a while. in addition to that, i've got a vitamin, a B + C + iron pill [that looks like sprinkles in a capsule], and zyflamend for my stupid ankle. and at night i'm going to start taking melatonin to help me sleep better.

after this past more-than-a-month of going to bed around 10 and getting up by 9 at the latest has completely thrown off my 'normal' school cycle. so i went to bed around 12:30, and finally couldn't stay in bed at 9:30. though i had been more or less awake since around 8-8:30. which i guess is good because my classes start at 9:30 at the latest. it's just a little weird because i was so used to staying up late and sleeping in at least a little bit. stupid work...

idek... crossdressing!maid!America and Canada!

week of hellll

soooo portfolios are due monday. i'm pretty much done, i just need to fix my mp3, which is proving rather problematic. stupid thing wants to save to the computer when you click on the blackboard link....

anyway, everyone else's stress is making me a bit stressed, plus i've got a paper due friday in fi that i haven't even written. correction: i've written the opening paragraph. it's a then-now paper, written about an issue that is important today and comparing it to how important it was in the past and getting to the 'why' of the issue. i'm doing drug use and how the american government deals with it. a pretty interesting subject, but one i'm having trouble writing... probably because i have to do a lot of research.

but really, this is the worst week for a paper to be due - at least for afo students. there is virtually no time for any of us to spend on non-art things, since we've all decided that that takes precident over academics. i mean, this is our future here at college! i'd say it's pretty important.

but what makes it hard for me is 2 things: meds, and a trip home. i am completely out of meds, having used my last one last tuesday with the intent of writing this paper but instead nearly finishing my portfolio. and now i can't get more here, cuz the test i took says i don't have ADD, but the notes from dr zeiger say i do. inconclusive, and so they can't do anything for me. fucking a...

on top of that i have to go home tonight for an eye appointment in the morning. i'll be spending around 9 hours total on a bus and with no internet, making it hard to write that paper. and when i get back tomorrow i have to go almost immediately to drawing, and then the paper is due. i'm gonna have to knock it out when i'm home tonight, and finish it thursday night. this is not gonna be fun...

in other news, i went swimming yesterday! anna found the hours of the franklin street gym pool, and she and i and jenny went there for about 20 minutes yesterday before drawing. it was pretty cool, i guess. it was just for laps, and the swim club was practicing, and it was dark and grungy and stuff. but it was still nice to be able to do that. i ended up rushing through a shower when we got back to the dorm - i just washed my hair - and as a result managed to get shampoo in my eye in addition to the chlorine already there. not fun. it was the same eye that had the infection, too. and it still stings a bit.

oh, i didn't talk about my infection. after the flogging molly concert, we had to rush home cuz i had an eye appointment. i figured it was just the usual "how bad are your eyes" thing, but the doc got distracted by a more pressing issue: my red and unhappy left eye. turns out i had an inflamed cornea from wearing my contacts longer than they were really good for on tired eyes. i've been banned from contacts until i can go back - which was supposed to be last friday, but had to be rescheduled for tomorrow - and i got steroid eye drops to knock the thing out as fast as possible. my eye is all better now, but i'm still waiting till i go back to really start wearing my contacts again. i cheated and wore my last pair saturday for the belle isle trip, but it was only for, like, 8 hours.

alsooooo, yasha came down to visit last weekend! exciting! it was a bit strange, having 3 people in our room, but not too bad. he met ben, and we got bubble tea, and did fun things. we spent saturday at belle isle - it was practically a floor outing: me, cesley, anna, jenny, nicole, susan, emily, kelsey, laura, taylor, liz, ben, molly, and yasha. soooo exciting! yasha and molly really bonded, it was quite adorable. jenny found a toad that had been frozen, so we buried him and mourned. nicole delivered a very touching eulogy for poor toadie. and then on sunday yasha snuck out of the parking garage and didn't pay. exciting!

sunday night there was a fire on the 7th floor. some guy's phone charger started smoking and stuff. according to bed it smelled like burnt plastic for a while. and of course, this happened at 3am. i was sleeping. at first i didn't know what was going on, and i never really woke up. as soon as my heart stopped racing from climbing those dumb stairs, i was dead asleep.

i'm making a giant book for space. it'll be an open book, 4' x 2.5', with the story of 'the snow queen' coming out of it. i'm making a giant castle for in the middle out of slotted wood and hot glue and glitter, with various scenes arrayed around it. it'll be awesome! i get to buy a mirror and smash it!

okay, i think that's all the news and updates. i'm sleeping in bowe street next sunday night so i can turn my portfolio in nice and early. it'll be awesome!!

walking to belle isle
[courtesy of laura]

depressed...

So, yeah, I'm depressed. See:

I've gotta get that stupid ADD test done. I just called one of the listed agencies and it's $100 an hour, and it'll take a while to get the test done in the first place cuz they have to talk to my insurance to see if they'll pay... Very annoying.

I've gotta call a couple other places to see if I'll have any better luck, and in the end I may just end up back at the VCU Psych Serv if every place else is just frustrating. At least with them there's hope.

Anyway, this was me when I got up before my evil art history class....

And this is me about 15 minutes ago after showering and getting dressed and stuff. And trying not to look depressed about the whole test thing...

I hate my life. I'm gonna need to be crazy with my pills, as I've only got 4 left now, plus that one 4-hour pill I saved... Really not fun.

I'm also depressed because the stupid VCU email won't load. So I can't email my SR teacher about what exactly to bring to class. Well, now it's working, so nevermind.

Yeah, I'm excited for the election results tonight. I'm glad my last class ends at 5:15 so I can start nice and early on the results party. At 9 there's one downstairs in the community room, but at 10 I'm watching the Indecision 2008 coverage cuz it's live and awesome. Oh yeah.