Martin Scorsese’s “Mean Treats”
“Happy Birth- Oh, my. It’s so dark in here. I can’t see a thing. Am I in a warehouse? Is that… Rudy? Is that you? What’s going on?
“Okay, Frosty. Enough with the ‘thumpty thump thump’. Where’s the cash?”
“Look… Rudy… I already told you I was gonna be short this week… but we’re friends, right? You and me, we go way back! We was in claymation together! Remember, Rudy? Remember?”
“Yeah, Frosty. I remember. But it ain’t the seventies no more, is it? Dash. Vix. Bring in the Back to Basics Disney Ice Shaver.”
“Rudy… Rudy, I ain’t got nothin’ to give! All I got left is my old silk hat! Maybe there’s some magic in it but-”
“Magic? Magic buyin’ me veal parmesan? Magic payin’ my girlfriend’s mortgage? I got a business to run here, Frosty. A business. And you’re makin’ me look bad. Used to be, someone wanted a sleigh guided, I’d see a cut. Used to be the dames’d line up, tellin’ me I was cuuude. But then I lost it all, Frosty. I ain’t cuuude to nobody no more. Now the dames are crawlin’ over Olive. Everybody thinks it’s Olive’s town. But you know what? With this Back to Basics Disney Ice Shaver, I’m gonna take back what’s mine. And I’m startin… with YOU!”
“AAAAAAA! RUDY!! RUDY, NOOOO!”
“You feel that, Frosty? You feel that electrical powered ice shaver at work? The lid opening means I can add ice cubes without opening it. Isn’t that convenient? Hold ‘em, Dash, hold ‘em!”
“AAAAAAA! I AIN’T GOT THE MONEY, RUDY! I AIN’T GOT IT!”
“Wrong answer, Frosty. Cause if you’d said yes, I’d be telling you about the kid-safe design. The blade can’t be reached from outside the unit and the motor stays off until the lid is locked in place. That means this here Back to Basics Disney Ice Shaver is perfectly safe for children. But you ain’t a children, is you, Frosty?”
“No, Rudy… no… please… no more…”
“No. You ain’t a children. You’re a snowman. And that means you’re made of ice. Ice that fits in the ice slot. Ice that won’t PAY ME MY MONEY!”
“AAAAAAAA! RUDY! RUDY! Oh, it hurts, Rudy, it hurts, I ain’t got it… please…”
“Okay, Frosty. Okay. I believe you. It’s just that I got an image, you know? But you and me, we go way back. So I got an idea. Don, get the bottles.”
“B…b….”
“Yeah, bottles. The two removable syrup dispensing bottles that come with the Back to Basics Disney Ice Shaver. We’re gonna set up a little business, you and me. We’re gonna sell some sno-cones for a nickel apiece. Make the kids happy like we used to. You like makin’ kids happy, right? Right, Frosty? Hey, Prance, how many you think we’re gonna have to sell to get back what this clown owes me? We got enough shaved ice? Aw, Frosty. Prance thinks we ain’t got enough shaved ice. You know what that means, right? It means we gotta MAKE some MORE!”
“AAAAAAA! AAAAAAA! RUDY!! RUDY, PLEASE!”
“YOU SHOULD’A PAID ME, FROSTY! YOU SHOULD’A PAID ME WHEN YOU HAD A CHANCE! NOW YOU’RE GONNA END UP LIKE BAMBI’S MOTHER! HOLD ‘EM, DASH! HOLD ‘EM!”
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